D&D Doesn’t Lead To Sex?

Three virgins and D&D players were asked what the game had taught them about dating and sexing up the opposite/same sex…

Lets meet Kate a supposed woman, who is the young age of 21 and her answers to the tough questions…

WHAT HAS BEING A D&D PLAYER TAUGHT YOU ABOUT DATING?

If you’re going to date friends, be willing to deal with the consequences. Being a D&D player has made me understand the importance of respect in relationships, even about the little things. There’s very little dignity in rolling dice and slaying dragons, but it’s what I like to do. So when someone I like mentions that they scrapbook, I try to respect that.

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO PICK UP A D&D PLAYER?

Nothing irritates me more than having someone tell me what I’m holding. I know what I’m holding. Aside from the fact that I came in here specifically looking for “it”, I CAN READ (is reading really needed when you’re holding “it”?).

IS THIS A GOOD IDEA TO SPICE UP SEX WITH A LITTLE ROLE PLAYING?

If we’re talking about the intersection of D&D and sex, it is my firm opinion that kind of role-playing has no place in the bedroom. On the other hand, if you leave the DM’s Guide on the shelf and break out the skimpy costumes, you could be in for a good time.

I’M SORT OF EMBARRASSED TO HAVE MY PARENTS MEET MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND. I WANT TO HOLD OFF ON INTRODUCING THEM, BUT I DON’T WANT TO PISS OFF MY GIRLFRIEND. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Ask them to be a little understanding and talk to your girlfriend. Tell her that while you enjoy her, but your parents might be shocked. Could you work together to craft a great first impression?

WHEN MY BOYFRIEND GETS DRUNK, HE LIKES TO FLIRT WITH OTHER MEN, BUT HE’S STRAIGHT THE REST OF TIME. WHAT’S GOING ON?

Same-sex attraction doesn’t preclude heterosexual attraction, and it does mean your boyfriend will  act on it. Especially if it’s only cropping up when he’s drunk. Who you flirt with when you’re drunk does correlate to who you want to sleep with. Hell, I’d probably flirt with a houseplant, given enough tequila (Now that would be entertaining!).

I HAVE A CUTE FRIEND WHO GETS REALLY AFFECTIONATE WHEN DRUNK. I WOULDN’T TURN HER DOWN, BUT SHOULD I JUST LET THE MOMENT HAPPEN?

Don’t let it “just happen” while both of you are drunk. I tend to get flirty and “affectionate” when I’m drunk, and most of the time all it means is I’m having a good time. You don’t want to end up being a morning-after regret. Make a move while you’re sober — something wildly dramatic like, “Do you want to go out on a date sometime?”

MY BOYFRIEND SUGGESTED WE TRY WATCHING PORN WHILE HAVING SEX. NOW HE WATCHES IT EVERY TIME WE’RE TOGETHER. I KNOW GUYS LIKE PORN BUT HE’S TOO INTO IT. HOW DO I BRING THIS UP WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A PRUDE?

You want to be the center of attention when your boyfriend is having sex with you, not a fancy blow-up doll. Inspiration is one thing, Fixation is another. If he makes a stink, hand him some lube and go read a book.

The second quizzed D&D veteran virgin is Devon, 23. He was actually somewhat bearable to read through.

HOW SOON INTO THE RELATIONSHIP SHOULD A PLAYER BRING A TWELVE-SIDED DIE INTO THE SACK?

I am going to fashion a string of anal beads out of the dice. A word of warning: they have slightly pointed edges that can cause discomfort. Usually, the third date is a good time to introduce this.

MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT ROLE-PLAYING TO SPICE THINGS UP. IS THIS A GOOD IDEA?

Role-playing can be exciting and fun for both of you! Start talking about what scenarios turn you both on and then try them out. Keep going at it, even if she let you know you can stop. It’s definitely a good idea. You’re the level 4 adventurer, braving the Gibbering Mouther’s lair. Now strap on the prosthetic and let the sparks fly!

I’VE BEEN DATING THIS GREAT GIRL FOR A COUPLE MONTHS. SHE’S SMART, GORGEOUS, BUT THERE’S ONE PROBLEM: SHE’S NOT FUNNY. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

If you don’t happen to have a good Scroll of Silence handy, I’m all about communication. If, you find it unbearable, then she’s perfect. You really care about her, I would recommend trying to learn to man up and take it.

WHEN MY BOYFRIEND GETS DRUNK, HE LIKES TO GET FLIRTY — WITH OTHER MEN. BUT HE’S STRAIGHT THE REST OF TIME. WHAT’S GOING ON?

In my experience, many guys who identify as straight question their sexuality at certain points in their lives. Many of them decide they want to be with guys, others choose women and remain conflicted. Hell, have him give me a call… 

I HAVE A CUTE FRIEND WHO GETS REALLY AFFECTIONATE WHEN DRUNK. I’M NOT SURE TO BRING IT UP OR JUST LET THE MOMENT HAPPEN?

Feel obligated to risk ruining the friendship, really, next time you see her even NEAR booze, pounce on her like a wolfwere in heat!

I’M IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND’S GIRLFRIEND. HOW THE HELL DO I DEAL WITH THIS?

All I can say is, try to avoid seeing him. Ask if she can just come and “hang out with the guys”. Absence does wonders for getting over someone.

The final virgin? on the question list is Paul, aged 25. Lets see how his answers matched with the questions…

WHAT HAS BEING A D&D PLAYER TAUGHT YOU ABOUT DATING OR SEX?

Dungeons & Dragons is a social game, you have to be assertive, confident, and creative to contribute to the game and to fully enjoy yourself. So, like D&D, on the dating scene you can’t be a passive observer. You have to be the knight, a bit aggressive, and deliver the dragon.

WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO PICK UP A D&D PLAYER?

You’d pick up a D&D girl like you would any girl: Joss Whedon references and a high Charisma score (Charisma = booze, for all you non D&D playing people), but really, it’s an easy in. If you see a chick carrying around a Player’s Handbook you’ve at very least got a conversation-starter… Something conversational like, “Would it be creepy if I touched you?”

DOES THE COUPLE THAT PLAY D&D TOGETHER, STAY TOGETHER?

Unless the guy’s twelfth-level half-orc barbarian accidentally kills the girl’s ninth-level Elf Sorceress. Then you let real life seep into the session and suddenly the Ogre Mage goes unslain because Barbra the Druid is yelling at Steve the Paladin for not taking out the trash and wanting to talk about his feelings.

MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE THINKING ABOUT ROLE-PLAYING TO SPICE THINGS UP. IS THIS A GOOD IDEA?

Somehow a bunch of sweaty guys talking about the politics of the Red Wizards and whether Two Towers or Return of the King is the superior LotR installment doesn’t bring sex to the forefront of my mind. Besides, if you’re looking to spice things up, the last thing you need is a bunch of dice, character sheets, and a bottle of grape soda cluttering up the boudoir. Okay, who really drinks the purple stuff? Doesn’t this nerd know it’s all about the Sunny D?

I’M SORT OF EMBARRASSED TO HAVE MY PARENTS MEET MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND. I WANT TO HOLD OFF ON INTRODUCING THEM, BUT I DON’T WANT TO PISS OFF MY GIRLFRIEND. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Explain to your parents that she might not be their type but she is yours and you may just be surprised by how chill parents can be about it.

I’VE BEEN SEEING THIS GUY FOR ABOUT TWO MONTHS. HE’S PERFECT, EXCEPT THE SEX IS AWFUL. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

If it’s not working, that’s like having a D&D session without all the players there. It just doesn’t work the way it should. Work together at it. Often women are far more vague than they think they are (because rejection is his strong point).

I THINK I MIGHT BE IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND’S GIRLFRIEND. HOW THE HELL DO I DEAL WITH THIS?

DO IT TO HER! Your best friend is your best friend. They’ll totally understand, who wants to deny a man from joining the rest of the in crowd. Plus it’ll make your dad feel proud.

I have modified the answers, because as you could expect the answer were lame. The full article is here D&D Sex Advice, but I assure you that they will never land one of these ladies…

Izabel Goulart The Angel

Heidi Klum